Hey there,
When my daughter was a baby, I had a huge guide to baby sleep that a friend in London had given me.
It explained sleep, schedules and what to do when things weren't working.
The only problem?
I didn't really start following it until she was around five or six months old.
And looking back, I wish I had understood some of these things much earlier.
Because one of the biggest things I took away from my conversation with baby sleep expert, creator of baby sleep app and WHO lactation consultant Teija Kautto was that you don't necessarily have to wait until sleep becomes a problem before thinking about it.
There are small ways to support sleep from the very beginning.
Baby sleep changes more than you might realise
A newborn doesn't yet have the same sleep structure as an older baby or an adult.
Over the first few months, their sleep cycles gradually develop. Teija explains that a baby's sleep cycle is around 45–50 minutes, which is also why so many parents suddenly find themselves with a baby who wakes after exactly one short nap.
I remember this so well.
Our daughter slept relatively well during her first few months. Then, just before four months, everything changed.
Suddenly she was waking constantly, and for around three months I barely got stretches of sleep longer than two hours.
At the time, it felt like something had simply gone wrong.
Listening back to this conversation, so many pieces clicked into place.
A 45-minute nap isn't necessarily the end of the nap
One of the things I genuinely wish I had known earlier was what happens when babies wake between sleep cycles.
If a baby wakes after around 45 minutes, Teija suggests that, especially when they are little, you can try helping them continue sleeping rather than automatically assuming the nap is finished.
That might mean soothing, holding them, using the pram or another method that works for your baby.
The point isn't to turn every nap into a project.
In fact, Teija specifically says that short naps are very normal and that parents of newborns don't need to exhaust themselves trying to extend every single one.
But understanding why your baby keeps waking at roughly the same point can make the whole thing feel much less mysterious.
Day sleep and night sleep aren't separate things
This was another idea that stayed with me.
It's easy to think:
If my baby sleeps less during the day, surely they'll be more tired and sleep better tonight.
But Teija explains the opposite can happen.
Too little daytime sleep can leave a baby overtired, which can make falling asleep and staying asleep harder.
In her words, “sleep feeds sleep.”
She particularly encourages protecting a good, longer nap around the middle of the day. And there is a very practical benefit for parents too: when those naps eventually become longer, you might actually get a moment to sit down, drink your tea while it's still warm, sleep yourself or simply have a little time to yourself.
You don't need a minute-by-minute schedule
Perhaps the most important part of this whole conversation comes right at the beginning.
Teija talks a lot about wake times, rhythms and routines, but she is very clear that they are based on averages.
They are supposed to help you, not become another source of stress.
No exact amount of sleep is right for every baby. No family has to follow the same rhythm. And if something doesn't feel right for your baby or your family, you don't have to do it.
Instead, you can use the information as a starting point and then watch your own baby.
One particularly useful thing to learn is their early tired signs. Teija mentions things like redness around the eyebrows or under the eyes, staring into the distance or becoming less interested in eye contact. By the time a baby is yawning, fussing or becoming increasingly unsettled, they may already be much more tired.
And if sleep is difficult now, you haven't missed your chance
I also loved Teija's reminder at the end of our conversation.
You can start supporting sleep habits when your baby is tiny, but that doesn't mean you've done something wrong if you're reading this with an older baby who wakes constantly or only sleeps in one particular way.
Her message is simple:
Sleeping is a learned skill, and it's never too late to learn.
That doesn't mean every baby should sleep in exactly the same way.
It means that if what you're doing works for your family, wonderful. And if it doesn't, you don't necessarily have to simply wait and hope it changes on its own. There are things you can explore and support.
And I think that's what I would have wanted someone to tell me when I was awake again at 3am wondering why my previously good sleeper suddenly wasn't sleeping.
Sometimes understanding what might be happening is already a huge relief.
One more thing before you go...
We're continuing the conversation about baby sleep in an upcoming episode with Lucy Bagwell from @secondsartotheright_sleep.
As always, we want to bring your questions into the conversation.
What would you love to ask a baby sleep expert? Maybe you’re wondering about naps, night waking, early mornings, bedtime, sleep regressions, or something completely different.
Reply to this email with your question, and we may ask Lucy in the episode.
With warmth,
The Tiny Big Joys Team
Paula & the team
Thank you for being part of our beginning.
It truly is the tiny choices that make the big journey worth it.
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