The newborn advice that isn’t really about the baby

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Hey there,

So much of preparing for a baby is about the baby.

Where will they sleep? How often will they feed? What do we need to buy?

But once you’re actually home, some of the hardest questions can become much more about you.

What if the baby won’t sleep anywhere but on me? What if the crying becomes too much? How do I tell people I don’t want visitors? What if I don’t feel that instant rush of love everyone talks about? And when am I actually supposed to feel like myself again?

In Part 2 of The First Few Weeks at Home With Your Newborn, our host Olivia sits down again with NHS and private midwife and lactation consultant Miranda Sykes (@midwife_miranda) to unpack this side of the fourth trimester.

And there was one reassuring message that came through again and again: you don’t have to have it all figured out.

If you missed last week’s newsletter or haven’t listened to Part 1 yet, you can catch up with 4 key takeaways from the episode below.

Part 1 key takeaways

Here are a few moments from the conversation we think are worth remembering in those early weeks:

Your newborn may want to sleep on you. A lot.

One of the first things Miranda talks about is something that can feel so disheartening when you’re utterly exhausted: you feed your baby, they fall asleep, you carefully put them in the cot… and they immediately wake up.

Miranda explains that this is completely normal in those early weeks:

“Know that a baby is going to feel more psychologically safe in your arms than in a cot. In those early weeks, just lean into that, and know that that is biologically normal.”

Rather than focusing on wake windows or repeatedly trying to get your baby to sleep in the cot, her advice is to use a sling during the day to get your hands back, knowing that staying in a cot is developmental and comes with time.

Think about your Plan B before you need it.

What happens when your baby has been crying, you’re exhausted, and you feel like you have nothing left to give? Miranda encourages families to create a postnatal plan before birth—identifying your "SOS friend" who can step in when things are overwhelming.

As Miranda puts it:

“The baby needs regulating — but if you need regulating, we need somebody else to come in and step in.”

And if you are home alone and nearing a breaking point? Put your baby down in a safe space (the cot or even the floor), walk out, close the door, and take ten big breaths. Splash some water on your face or get a little fresh air by an open window, then go back and start again.

Decide what you want from visitors before the baby arrives.

Miranda recommends having the visitor conversation with your partner around 36 weeks, rather than trying to negotiate family expectations while running on zero sleep.

Her suggestion for the first week? Keep it to your absolute nearest and dearest. She even suggests grouping visitors into the same part of the day rather than having visits staggered from morning to evening, so you can safeguard hours of quiet for yourselves. And your partner? Miranda is very happy for them to step up as the ultimate gatekeeper.

You might not fall instantly in love. That doesn’t mean connection won’t come.

We hear so much about the cinematic rush of love the second a baby is placed in your arms. But for many parents, it doesn’t happen that way.

Miranda normalises that connection can take days, weeks, or even months to grow:

“Connection comes through growth, nurture, time spent learning about each other.”

And later, she offers this reassurance:

“You get there every time.”

And perhaps most importantly: go slower than you think.

When Olivia asks about physical recovery, bleeding, and movement, Miranda’s answer is strikingly simple:

“I think the truth of it is that nobody goes slow enough.”

Miranda explains that even after an uncomplicated vaginal birth, it can take over a year for the body to return to its pre-pregnancy state. A first walk might simply be ten gentle minutes. And if you come home with more pain or temporarily increased bleeding, that is simply your body telling you to pull back and rest.

Listen to Part 2 now:

[Listen on Spotify]

[Listen on Apple Podcasts]

[Read the show notes & transcript on our website]

Know someone who is pregnant or in the thick of those first few weeks?

Forward this email to a friend or partner today. A grounded conversation can make all the difference in those early days.

With warmth,

The Tiny Big Joys Team

Paula & the team

Thank you for being part of our beginning.

It truly is the tiny choices that make the big journey worth it.

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